well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
