Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
organizing the empties. That sober.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my poor anus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
