Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
