my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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