First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
