You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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