I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
