Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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