So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
