Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
