I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
