Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
