I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
