Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
