She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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