Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
