the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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