I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
