I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
