I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize