"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
