he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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