She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My life is pants optional.
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