Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize