I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
