I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
