I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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