We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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