Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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