I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
