bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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