There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
