I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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