Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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