I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
