My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
