Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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