she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
