You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
