Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
