I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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