i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
