I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
