it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
