Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry about my life...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
