Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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