My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
