then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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