he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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