My first STD was from a foam party
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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