is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
