Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
