If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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