What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
