i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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