wake up i wanna do it froggy style
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
