Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
