3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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