made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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