Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize