Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
