She said her name was "party"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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