he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize