i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
