I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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