So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize