$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
