The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
