it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We are all done wearing pants today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
