'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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