Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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