So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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