Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
