I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
