Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
