I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
