I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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