know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
